When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
