I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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