she was so not down for the gang bang
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
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i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
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there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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