Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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