I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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