bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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