I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
