the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
