Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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