Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing