Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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