What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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