thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
