she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
