Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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