I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
