i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
