I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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