There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
