New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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