Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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