Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my poor anus
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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