booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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