Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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