you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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