nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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