I wannas sexs uuuuu
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.