You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".