did you get engaged???
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.