Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Everyone says I win the strip club
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life