so I'm never txting u again after today...
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
she smelled like a LAN party
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit