Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.