hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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