Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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