it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
