i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
