think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize