apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
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I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
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Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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