I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
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i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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