I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.