you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.