I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can you rollerblade?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.