can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.