I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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