So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
