It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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