I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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