Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize