I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize