this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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