I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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