umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.