yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend