Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
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took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.