ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
