i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
