i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize