you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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