pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.