look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES