He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
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The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.