You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
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Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick