the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
