420 ftw
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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